transiciónes

How does one know if they are psychologically prepared for a new journey? 

I hadn't thought of that aspect before. I started by going through all of my shit at home and pitching a bunch of it. If I had to think more than a few seconds about if I really wanted it or not, I'd just put it in a bag for donation. As I reflect upon many transitions in my life, some smooth, some... errr....not so much, I wonder what my next one will be like.

You know how you start a new job or semester, or move, or do all of the above and there is (or is perhaps only for myself) always this period of time where you feel totally nuts!? Then as the time goes on and you force yourself to be the most bad-ass as can be at whatever it is you do, it somehow gets easier. Or at least you get accustomed to it. I feel like I am recently coming down from a time like that. School got over, I moved to a new place and I started working basically full-time at my job. Not only this, my roommates went out of town when I moved in. For a month. A month of alone time in a big minimalist house, two dogs and a cat I had to get used to and lots and lots of solitude.

I remember, almost in tears confessing to a coworker, "I feel exhausted always. I go home and do nothing and talk to no one but these dogs." Seeing no bright side I could hardly believe her when she said to me, "Don't worry, Analea. You'll get used to working so much." When she said this to me I thought, okay whatever that is sweet of you. But now looking back, I did. I got used to things, and as always, things change.

Eventually my roommates came back, I got used to all the lesson planning and being prepared and handling more kids, running up and down and all over, cleaning a million times a day only to see what you just cleaned get pissed on- literally. Accidents in preschool are real, they will just shit and piss on things and you have to maintain your cool, always. So my only hopes are that I remain my cool as life may potentially shit or piss on me in the future.

So what do you do when you are in a situation like that? A situation that doesn't seem permanent yet is very real in the present moment and can be a bit of a downer. Do yoga. Right? Err... right. Yeah even for someone who has studied yoga and meditation and has taught and all this bliggity bloogity sometimes it's easier to fall into bad habits. Smoking, drinking, laying on the floor staring at the ceiling... Ya know, those types of things.

 Though deep down inside, while I am not the total up-tight little Analea I can't let myself take that route. Maybe for a bit, maybe once in a while. Though I always come back and hit myself in the head. Do yoga Analea, sit and breathe, Analea. On my breaks I started finding a little spot wherever, in the park, etc. I close my eyes and do pranayama. Pranayamas are breathing exercises. I would just close my eyes, move my body if I need to, and just try to turn my attention inward. Being an introvert who acts as an extrovert, it's become quite easy to go in.

In this place you really recharge, and can get through whatever is, be it totally gross or totally frustrating. I don't want to sound preachy, honestly I don't always abide by my own doctrine yet inside I know what is up. There's always some sort of thing you need to hold on to, why not make it positive? Or at least self-actualizing. Play a song, do a dance. Go for a walk. Be you. Whatever you feel like makes you feel like you- do it. Maybe I want to play some ukulele (albeit poorly) or write a blog post/article (albeit... poorly...). My point is do you because all this other stuff doesn't matter anymore.